Mind, Body, Spirit Impact on Relationships

If we aren’t balanced and in harmony with our selves, it can bring chaos into our interpersonal relationships. When we feel unbalanced due to past pain that has not been resolved, this impacts our mental health which influences our communication with others. This can cause us to not be living up to our own expectations of morals in how to treat others and can cause us shame and embarrassment which again impacts our mental health and becomes a vicious cycle. 

In communicating with others, it’s important to view the interaction in the present. This means to view the interaction without having feelings from past events – whether with that person or from other experiences. This does not mean that if that person significantly hurt you in the past that you forgive them and allow them access to your vulnerability again. But it does mean that within a relationship, you aren’t keeping ‘score’ or ‘going back in the file’ to past events and using them to win an argument in the present. View the interaction for solely what it is in the present.

Our spirit and morals impact how we interact with others. Our mind and body can influence that interaction by impacting tone, expressions, wording, etc. It does this because if we are in pain and someone that we are communicating with doesn’t know that, we may be making a facial expression due to the pain and the other person may interpret that as a negative emotions toward themselves.

We like to think that we aren’t wrapped up in ourselves but most people really are – whether our of a grandiose ego or whether out of fear that others are judging them. We will talk about the best way to make this clear to others though.

Guided Imagery

Guided Imagery is another example of a more focused way of relaxation. It is the depiction in one’s mind of an image that is relaxing in nature. There are several different ways to do about using guided imagery. You could do it in a group with one member reading the imagery out loud. You could record yourself saying the imagery and play it back in order to imagine the scene. You could buy already recorded imagery. Or you can memorize the parts of the image and call them to mind on your own. The key elements to any relaxing imagery are the 5 senses: sights, sounds, smells, feel, and taste – and most likely in that order too. Common imagery descriptions are explained below and are provided as a start but all can be altered to fit the most relaxing image for any person.
 

Beach: Looking down, you see the white, tan of the sand. You can feel the warmth and grittiness of the sand under your feet. As you scan your gaze higher, the edge of the sand meets the deep blue of the ocean waves cresting over and over again. You listen to them crashing on the shoreline and watch as the white foam comes up on the sand and again recedes back away. As you walk toward the water, you watch the horizon and see the clear blue sky – basking in the warmth of the sun beating down on your back. Your feet hit harder packed sand, wet from the ocean. You wait for the next wave and the cold ocean water laps at your ankles and feet before again receding and taking with it any sand on your feet.

Woods: Overhead, you can see the sun attempting to peek through the leaves of the tall trees around you – providing enough light to walk through the woods but not enough to make it hot. The green leaves on the trees provide ample shade to keep the heat at bay. Lowering your gaze, you see trees all around for miles. Looking closer, you can see birds and squirrels and hear the birds chirping their songs along with crickets. The deep brown of the bark blends with the surrounding background and footpath of dirt and sticks and fallen foliage. The ground is packed hard underneath your feet and you can feel it’s solidness up through your legs with each step you take. 

Safe Place: This one would be the most unique to a person. This is the place that feels the safest to you. It could be your bedroom, your grandparent(s) house, a barn, a creek, a rocking chair or sofa. Anything. The important aspects are: What does it look like? Be specific: objects, colors, locations. Are there any sounds? What does it feel like? What does it smell like? If there are any tastes, what are they? What do you do most often in your safe place?

A lot of people prefer to combine guided imagery with music or other sound devices. There are also a lot of YouTube videos that help show the imagery but beware - it's your mind that typically relaxes you so already having the image done for you isn't exercising your mind the way that guided imagery is intended to do.

Progressive Muscle Relaxation

Progressive Muscle Relaxation, or PMR, is another great way to relax. It’s given its own post because it is more extensive then other forms of relaxation but when used correctly, is extremely helpful. And don’t worry, if you practice it enough, you’ll get the hang of it and have it down in no time.

The point of PMR is to show the difference between tensed muscles and relaxed muscles and again goes back to the connection between the mind and body. In this, we can use the physical muscles – in which we often ‘hold’ our stress and emotions – to diminish the stress that we are feeling in our mind.

Get in a position that you are comfortable in - whether that's sitting in a chair or on a sofa with your feet on the ground and arms at your sides or laying on a surface again with your arms at your sides. You can start with PMR at either the head or toes but for the purposes of this post, I will start at the toes. First, curl your toes toward your feet (almost like you are about to put them in something really yucky and you don’t want to!). Hold for about 2-3 seconds and release. Do this twice more. You will do each movement at least 3 times (though if you are short on time, you can do it just twice but it’s important to have the repetition. I’ll list the next movements:

• Curl your toes
• Point your toes (Tension in shins)
  
• Angle your feet backward like you are trying to bend your toes to touch your shin. You should feel tension in your calves
• Tense your thigh muscles 
• Tense your buttocks 
• Harden or clench your abdominal muscles 
• Raise your arms over your head and arch your back (almost like a cat stretch). Tension should be in your back & shoulders 
• Squeeze your shoulders up like you are trying to get them to touch your ears (Tension in neck) 
• Tense upper arm muscles 
• Angle your hands backward like you are trying to get the back of your hand to touch your arm. Tension should be in forearms
• Make a fist with your hands and squeeze 
• Clench your jaw 
• Wriggle your nose like it tickles

Some of them sound funny and look funny but you don’t have to do them around anybody else if you don’t want to and it’s important to get every muscle in your body for the full experience. Some of them you can even do when you are in a  group of people if done discretely enough - such as curling your toes inside your shoes or making a fist under the table in your lap at a dinner or desk.

Relaxation

Most people know what they need to do in order to get their body in physical shape – and I even went through a couple of examples in the previous post about the body. But what about mental and spiritual shape? Those tend to be the harder parts because not everybody knows how to do mental and spiritual ‘exercises’ so to say.

One critical point to mental and spiritual health is the ability to relax. Relaxation is important for everyone to do at least 10-15 minutes a day. Why? Everyone has their own personal stress level that’s like a line graph. For some people, their line is really low and only increases slowly over time. However, for other people, their natural stress level may be higher. Either way, as it increases without ability to decrease, anything could be the ‘last straw.’ 

Providing time each day for relaxation can help decrease the stress level in yourself that has built up over the day. Relaxation can look different for anybody. It can be a nice long soak in a hot bath or it can be reading, guided imagery, Progressive Muscle Relaxation, music, exercise, meditationor focused breathing. Some people do think of watching TV as relaxing but I say be careful of using that one because our brains are less stimulated while watching TV and the point of relaxation is not to just numb out – it’s to decrease stress. 

So what’s focused breathing and some of these other things? I say focused breathing because we breathe all day long (at least I hope you do!) and that natural habit is not what helps us relax. Focused breathing is actually paying attention to your breaths – trying your best not to think of anything else in the moment. It’s best to think of filling up a balloon with your breaths… making them steady and even. I prefer to count to three such as this: IN one two three OUT one two three. It’s important to let your diaphragm expand so that you actually see your stomach going out when breathing in. 

In the next couple of posts, I'll be discussing some other ways of relaxation. How do you relax?

Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs

Why is self-wellness really so important? What is the goal? Well, there’s this guy named Maslow who made a pyramid ranking the needs of people. At the bottom, are the basic needs of food, shelter, and water. Each step of the pyramid leads one to self-actualization – the ability to be insightful into one’s own actions and understand their own beliefs and coming to terms with their actions and choices in the past. 

 

Sounds amazing doesn’t it? Only a few people that you know are probably in that step. Again, this is because each step has to be met before one can achieve the next one. If we don’t feel safe, we aren’t going to care about our relationships with other or our own self-esteem. We will only be wondering where the next meal is coming from. 

As a therapist, sometimes when crises come up in relation to future safety such as possibly losing a house or financial stress, deeper reaches into feelings and thoughts beyond those related directly to the stress are not able to be addressed. Sometimes it does make for a stall in therapy but those needs are important as well to be addressed and addressed first in order for more progress to be reached. 

Furthermore, if you meet someone and find that they are unable to regulate their emotions or interact with others well, sometimes they may be more concerned about their physical or safety needs than anything more related to the mind and spirit.