Trust

Trust isn’t easy to rebuild after it’s been broken. Even with forgiveness, trust may not easily come back for most people. The biggest thing that breaks trust is hurt. Hurt from being betrayed, hurt from being lied to. 

We’ve already talked about the first steps on what one partner can do – admit to mistakes and make actions to change negative behavior and stick to those actions. What about the other partner? How do you build that trust back even if you are willing to forgive the mistake?

Sometimes it’s a leap of faith into trusting again. This means knowing that you want the relationship to succeed and forgiving as well as forgetting. This means that you do not hold the mistake over the other person’s head and ‘punish’ them for it by saying ‘You did this to me so you need to do this now’ or ‘You did this to me so I’m doing this now’ or ‘You owe it to me.’ That is not forgiveness. That is resentment and retaliation. Some people can make this huge leap of faith and not look back. 

However, most people cannot. Most people have to start with small leaps/steps. Learning to trust smaller actions and words and promises and working up to the larger ones. You still may be willing to forgive but the forgetting and trusting takes longer. Be open with your partner that you want to work through the mistake and trust again but you are hurt. If both of you are open and working together, it can help to heal the relationship well.