Conflict Resolution – Non-Agreed Solution

We talked before about how thoughts and feelings affect your actions. Keep this in mind when you are living with another person. Even if you are in an intimate relationship with that person, they don’t always meet your expectations. They can’t read your mind and they may not agree to your requests – even if you have the best developed ‘I’ statement. Remember this when they don’t agree to your solution.

So if they don’t agree to the solution and a compromise does not seem to be in the making, the thing that may have to change is not the other person but your own expectation. This is no easy task but if you want your relationship to succeed, it may be something you have to at least attempt. 

The first step to changing your expectation is recognizing what that expectation is. Do you expect your significant other to hold you when you are upset? To do the dishes when you want them done? To give you words of encouragement when you discuss your family? 

Now let’s say that you have expressed these desired to your significant other with the appropriate respect and construction and there was no compromise that was going to make both people happy – whether you tried multiple solutions and none worked or there wasn’t one that your partner felt they were able to do. First and foremost, recognize the other person’s feelings. Attempt to understand their thoughts and thought process through clarifying questions is a must. The more information you have, the easier it is to come to terms with what is happening around you.

Your partner may not have answers to your questions. That doesn’t change the fact that your expectations may have to change. It just means that it might be difficult for them to word or even more difficult for them to change. Sometimes, especially in the beginning, people are hesitant to change because they think they will be doing all the changing. No one wants to be the only person putting in the effort. You might have to show them that you are going to put in effort too. Next post will discuss more about changing those expectations.